


Scandal

by Trixylune



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: 600 words down, Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, I didn't do fics day three bc I was to busy writing papers for college, ImaginexHobbit, Kinda, M/M, i am determined to write double my word count today though, monday is homework day, so first drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-15 00:12:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3430793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trixylune/pseuds/Trixylune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another reader insert prompted at imaginexhobbit.</p>
<p>Imagine telling Thorin and Thranduil that they'd make a perfect couple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scandal

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote only academic things yesterday, and to make up for it I plan to write 4000 words today. *punches air*

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose, trying to ward off the worst of the headache that was pressing against your brow. 

"I believe that was actually started by the line of Durin," King Thranduil was saying in a tone you often heard your twelve year old niece use when explaining something she deemed to be obvious to her younger brother. Recently she'd started using it against her parents too, much to their irritation. Condescending. Yes, that's the proper word for it.

"Oh really?" King Thorin sneered back. You noted distantly that it twisted his face in a rather unattractive way. He'd never catch a consort like that. "Well our historians have found records in our library stating that our line was only responding to an insult offered by the nearby elven kingdom. YOUR ANCESTORS."

This was a good example of how the so called negotiations had been going so far. Three weeks after what was supposed to be a two day discussion began, you had totaled at hundreds of scathing letters sent back and forth between the Kings, no less than seven abrupt ends to meetings when weapons were drawn, and three outright brawls in the council room.

You knew that the other advisors, both elven and dwarven, were beyond tired of trying to scheme up ways to convince the Kings to try meeting again. 'There's going to be donuts,' probably wouldn't work again. The aggression was already beginning to stew, and you knew from experience it wouldn't disappear anytime soon. Okay, if it wouldn't disappear... You pictured a raging river rushing towards you. Divert it, you concluded. You searched your aching mind for ways to angle that hostility in another direction. 

"A dwarven record could hardly be counted on to provide an objective account about elves," King Thranduil pointed out. You had to acknowledge that he had a point. That wouldn't make Thorin happy. You closed your eyes, trying to focus harder on a solution. There had to be an easy way. What to divert it too? An event? An idea? A person? 

But how to redirect their ire from its favorite target?

"Agreed," King Thorin said, and your eyes shot open. You may have agreed but you would have thought Thorin would have throne himself off of the balcony before ever admitting that out loud. Or even in his head. He must have something huge hidden up his sleeve. Something that was sure to send King Thranduil into a rage and end the attempted negotiations once again in a flurry of flying food, gleaming weapons, and the ruination of formal robes from rolling around on the floor.

No, you'd had to convince your doubting family. These really are serious discussions.

If the Kings came out smeared in their dinner one more time....

Your brain made a quick connection. You grinned.

"However, some of them are elven accounts," King Thorin presented triumphantly, looking unbearably smug.

King Thranduil's eyes flashed.

"How would your primitive people-" he began in a demanding tone.

"Can't stand the truth can you you tree-shagging son of a - " King Thorin taunted.

"You know, you two would make a perfect couple," you interrupted deliberately. Your fellow advisors turned to you, askance. Both Kings froze, turning to stare at you in complete disbelief. Get their attention, check. Redirect hostilities, check. Keep the two Kings from disgracing your people?

"What did you just say?" they responded in unison.

It could have sounded threatening.

Instead, their shock caused their them to lose control over their voices, leaving them sounding like particularly high pitched teenaged girls. Their reactions at hearing themselves was even better. Thranduil's usually unflappable expression was decimated, his eyes huge in his face, his mouth hanging open and one delicate hand resting lightly on his chest. Thorin's face was pinched like he swallowed a lemon, his eyes squinting disapprovingly at the world. Together they looked like the two incarnations of a scandalized maiden aunt.

You heard several other advisors snort with laughter.

No check.


End file.
